FEAR
by Queenbee19
Summary: What happens when you let fear control you? Nothing. But what happens when you control it? Everything. Cassadee Haddero a Dauntless Initiate as nothing left to fear but fear itself.
1. Prologue: Enough

Prologue

Enough

My life revolves around the word enough.

When I was born, I was minutes after my twin brother Camden. Therefore, I was the younger sibling. I was second to my mothers first born. And as a baby, I had to share what would be the spotlight between the two of us. Share the "look at the baby!" And the "Their so adorable" I always wondered, Am I cute enough?

When I was six I started going to school. Camden and I walked in side by side in matching Erudite Blue sweaters. I had the brightest smile on my face, as going to school for the first time in Erudite was something to celebrate. The beginning into a lifetime of learning and knowledge. I was so excited I could hardly stop wrinkling the ironed sky blue skirt I was wearing as I sat in my seat, ready to learn. But looking around the classroom I saw more children, some faces I knew others that were strangers. And they all had wider, toothier grins and their skirts weren't wrinkled, but flatted perfectly from tiny hands repeatedly soothing it out. I sunk back in my chair, wondering if I was supposed to be more excited, like everyone else. I wondered if I was excited enough?

When I was 12 Middle School started. That's when the hormones kicked in, and grades began to count. And Camden would proudly wave a perfect scored test in the face of our mother, whilst I meekly held up a paper with a big fat Minus 1. The one point I had failed to earn, earned me a disappointed look from my parents and a smug one from my brother. He then knew he was in deed the smarter twin, and my parents expected him to win and me to place shortly after. Through school I wondered Am I smart enough?

Then High School Started, and things were becoming important. I was 15 and time was running out. I had to start thinking about my future. And the thoughts were bringing me extra stress. The rest of my stress was from school, guys were asking girls out and I still had my fair share of boyfriends. Yet it seemed multiple times I was took advantage of, cheated on. And I put on a fake grin like I didn't care but I did. I stopped eating. I started running. Thinking running from my fears and thoughts would blindly make it better. I couldn't stand the repetitive words of "I'm sorry Cass" because no one was sorry about letting me down. And I never knew why I wasn't good enough for the guys I was with. I couldn't even bring myself to eat birthday cake in fear of getting fatter. I tried once to just puke it out but my throat was dry bare and deserted. I defaulted that the reason they left was I wasn't pretty enough.

Then I turned 16. But the days before I knew that I had a choice to make, wondering where I truly fit in. I always loved my home in Erudite, yet I always felt I wasn't good enough.

Camden moved to Candor. I chose Dauntless.

Because in Dauntless, I knew I wouldn't have to worry about being good enough. I just had to be good. I just had to face my fears in the eye and stare them down until they disappeared. Once I did that I would be more then good enough.

And In Dauntless, I could run. I could run towards improvement not away from failure.

I had had enough with not being enough.

This is the story of when I stole the pen, and became the author of my own story. The story of making my own choices, and not being affected by the choices of them. Everyone else. This is the story of becoming accepting of yourself.

I am more then enough.

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Hey All!

This is just the prologue to my new story. I hope you liked it, i think this will be a pretty good one. Anyways please leave a review and you know if you liked it hit that follow button so when I post Chapter 1 You can be there. Thanks :)

xoxo Queenbee19


	2. The Worst Day

The worst day.

The glow of the moon creeped it's way though the crack of my window the night before the worst day. It taunted me, rolling around in my covers until I gave in and looked it in the eye. I woke myself up in anger, cursing my inability to sleep. Because sleep was something I needed desperately, and it was too precious to waste on moonlight.

I tossed and turned for more and more hours, until my soft eyelids finally closed to the beeping of my white alarm clock. I thought about being rebellious and ignoring it, but I couldn't bring myself to break from the daily mold I followed every morning. Starting with getting my lazy butt out of bed.

Walking into our kitchen I grab a bowl for cereal, as visions of 5 bowls dance in my head making me dizzy. I blame it on my lack of sleep. Camden comes behind me, reaching around my shoulder to grab a blue bowl for himself. "Morning Cass" My brown haired 6'4 brother smirked, walking himself to our refrigerator to grab us both milk as I walked into the pantry to pick out a cereal like every morning. It dawned on me that it very well could be our last breakfast together. But in an attempt to not be sentimental, and receive relentless teasing from Camden, I decided to keep my mouth shut reaching for the box on the top shelf and setting it on the countertop as I sat down in my chair.

We contented to eat in near silence, with only the crunching of our teeth with the cereal, and the clinking of our spoons against the bowl. Camden ate widely fast, as if the faster he finished his bowl the faster he could get on with his life. As if he were hiding something. I however, ate painfully slow. Taking every little piece of cereal and savoring every last bite in hopes the slower I ate, the later my coming fate would arrive.

The day went by achingly slow, as I enjoyed what could be my last day of school. Goodbyes were awkward amongst old friends, because nobody knew who they would be seeing again. We let our guards down that last day. Some of us breaking out of the tight blue egg our parents kept us in, and others clung to afraid to leave the nest and they kept their glasses on and there eyebrows scrunched in focus. Yet you could see their eggs crack crack cracking, and tiny heads sticking out, anxious to get outside and fly but too afraid to crack the shell. That we me. I kept my dirty blonde hair in a sleek pony tail, and my thin rimmed glasses on the edge of my nose, though I felt the use of them silly I had great vision. But I watched as my brother talked louder, and disputed more then he had before. Contradicting statements made by his peers, and challenging what we thought to be fact. I didn't notice as much in the moment, but I thought about it when I got home.

Cam and I didn't talk, though at the dinner table we exchanged weary glances when our parents said the stabbing words of "We know you'll make the _right _choice." Like this was just another test and there were only one right answer to each question. But I knew that if this was a test, Camden would pass and I would probably fail.

So in my room before the ceremony, as I through my blue dress over my head I remember that it was a test, and with tests my parents had lowered expectations for me anyways. So I figured, if I already was going to fail there was no use studying. So I just stopped thinking about it. I stopped wondering what I would choose.

Seconds before my name was called I looked nervously around the Choosing Ceremony room for familiar faces I would soon be crushing. I looked to those of my faces, who shared the same quizzical chocolate brown eyes as me. Camden squeezed my hand, and with every name called he squeezed it harder and harder. I think he was more afraid then me. I for once needed me there for support, not the other way around. I felt at that moment, empowered. Important. Good enough to be needed by my brother.

Haddero, Cassadee

My name was called before Camden, as S is after M in the alphabet. I knew my knees were shaking, and I thought for a moment as I picked up the knife that I was going to faint. The results from the simulation had been no help, as at the end of the test I was given a weird look of hesitation and asked if I was aware that the simulation was not real during the simulation. The pounding in my heart told me to tell the truth, but the drumming in my head told me to lie. So I shook my head and said that I had no idea. It was some of the worst lying I had ever done, but it seemed to be accepted by the test administrator. I think she just wanted to convince herself.

I kept my face a blank stare as I looked down at the choices before me. I inhaled, exhaled, and decided there was no way i was going to do this. So I closed my eyes, slit my wrist and held my breath as I moved it unknowingly to where ever the blood would fall.

It feel on Dauntless. And it just felt right. Something in my heart said that it was where I belonged. I couldn't bear to look at my families faces as I took my seat next to the other initiate, as the boys around me cheered that they had gained another member to their exclusive club. But I smiled, moving a lock of dirty blonde hair from over my face bringing it behind my ear. Defining myself as no longer a shy Erudite girl, but a Dauntless girl. A girl unsure of what was to lie in her future, yet unafraid of what lied in her past, and what was to come.

Yet, I always wonder what would've happened if the blood landed anywhere else. If I was now dressed in Amity red and yellow, singing songs under a tree. Or debating beside my brother, in obvious black and white. Or in plain gray, giving my self up to help others. Or even in Erudite blue, learning beside my family. Taking in information to be learned and applied. I always wonder, if I would be happier.

That's what I remember it as the worst day.


End file.
